Episode 21: How Fear Hinders the Pursuit of Dreams & Love

In the pursuit of our dreams, fear often acts as a formidable adversary, shackling us with self-doubt and preventing us from taking that leap of faith. This blog delves into the profound impact of fear on our ambitions, supported by research and expert insights. Join us as we explore the psychological barriers that fear erects and unveil strategies to unlock the courage needed to pursue dreams unencumbered.

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Mermaids embody the qualities we hold inside and are sometimes too afraid to show. They are feminine, brave, adventurous, sensual and have uncanny wisdom and intuition. Feisty Mermaids is a podcast and blog with stories of inspiration, relationships and community. Vanessa May shares her journey and those of her featured guests, in hopes you will feel inspired to take on the world even when you are too exhausted to find north.

Life is about lessons, belonging and authenticity. This mermaid lifestyle blog, podcast and mermaid leggings outfit clothing store is about knowing there is growth in every encounter, having the courage to live life on your own terms, creating a path where there isn't one, and knowing you are limitless.

Chapters

• 1:44 What is fear?
• 4:25 Top Five Reasons Fear Hinders the Pursuit of Dreams
• 13:50 Strategies for overcoming fears

Transcript

Podcast 21: Fear Hinders Your Dreams

1. Hi, I am Vanessa May, host of Feisty Mermaids. This podcast is a place where we explore topics to help you unleash the power of the mermaid within. We talk about mental health and Well-being, relationships and the roadblocks which often stop us from being limitless.
2. I’ve thinking of all the dreams I've had throughout my life and how many have died as ideas in my head. I was reflecting on the reasons or excuses I gave myself for letting these dreams vanish into nothing, and I realized that in the pursuit of our dreams, there is an ever-present adversary lurking within us - fear. 
3. Fear can be a powerful and overwhelming emotion that cripples our ambition, it sabotages our potential, and prevents us from taking that leap of faith towards our aspirations. 
4. In this podcast, we will delve into the 5 psychological and emotional aspects of fear that hold us back from chasing our dreams. I’ll share stories about Fear in my own life, and most importantly, strategies for overcoming the fears that can stop you from being limitless. Here on Feisty Mermaids. 

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1. 
   Let’s start by defining fear…

• 
  Fear is a natural and powerful emotion experienced by humans and many animals. It is a response to perceived threats or dangers, whether real or imagined. When confronted with a potentially harmful situation, fear triggers a series of physiological, emotional, and cognitive responses, preparing the individual for a fight-or-flight response.
• Let's examine the three types of fear:
  • Physiologically, fear activates the body's sympathetic nervous system, leading to increased heart rate, heightened senses, and the release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. These physical changes prepare the body to react quickly to the threat, either by confronting it (fight) or escaping from it (flight).
  • Emotionally, fear often evokes feelings of anxiety, worry, or dread. It can be a distressing and uncomfortable emotion, causing us to feel on edge or uneasy.
  • Cognitively, fear influences our thoughts and perceptions. It can lead to hyper-vigilance, where we become highly alert and attentive to potential threats. Fear can also cloud judgment and decision-making, as the focus shifts towards survival and self-preservation.

While fear serves as a protective mechanism to keep us safe from genuine dangers, it can become an issue when it becomes excessive or irrational, leading to phobias or anxiety disorders - which we will discuss in a different podcast. 

Importantly, fear can sometimes hold people back from pursuing their goals and dreams, which is the topic for today.

II. Now that we understand fear as a whole, let’s talk about the five types fears that hinder us from pursuing our dreams

Top 5 Reasons Fear Ruins The Pursuit of Our Dreams

1. Fear of Failure

• The fear of failure is perhaps the most common and paralyzing fear that prevents us from pursuing our dreams. 
• The human mind is wired to avoid failure at all costs, because failure is associated with negative emotions such as shame, disappointment, and a blow to self-esteem. 
• According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the fear of failure can trigger a "flight or fight" response, leading us to abandon our dreams before even attempting to achieve them.
• The whole, “if you build it they will come”, isn’t always a reality. And failure when you are chasing a dream is a real thing. But just like in the movie, Field of Dreams, overcoming the fear of failure will bring so much more to your life.  

2. Fear of Rejection and Criticism

• The fear of rejection and criticism is another significant barrier to following our dreams because the prospect of facing judgment and disapproval from others can be highly distressing, leading us to stop ourselves and our ambitions to avoid potential social backlash. 
• Research published in the journal Anxiety, Stress, and Coping highlights that fear of social evaluation is a common reason for not pursuing goals.
• Ultimately, with this fear, we are so worried about what others will say or think that we kill our own dreams.
• This is a fear I really have had to work on, and ultimately, I like to remind myself that others are not living my life. It is vulnerable to chase a dream and open yourself up to criticism. I talked about this on episode 11 of this podcast. At the time, I had a few episodes of the show under my belt and an acquaintance I knew sent me a message criticizing my podcast music. Really? Go pound sand dude. I have a podcast, you don’t.

3. Fear of Uncertainty

• When chasing after our dreams, it often involves stepping into the unknown, which triggers the fear of uncertainty. 
• Humans are naturally wired to seek stability and predictability, and the thought of venturing into uncharted territory can be daunting. 
• Research published in the Journal of Anxiety Disorders indicates that the fear of uncertainty can lead to avoidance behavior, causing individuals to abandon their dreams to stay within their comfort zones.
• I think about how many times I’ve wanted to pursue a job but the thought of stepping into the unknown simply paralyzed me. I’ve also heard so many people say how they stay in a relationship because it is comfortable and they don’t want to risk going out into the dating world because they are afraid of what is out there.

4. Fear of Success

• Surprisingly, the fear of success can be just as powerful as the fear of failure. Success can bring forth new challenges, responsibilities, and expectations, which can be overwhelming. 
• Additionally, the fear of outshining others or facing envy and jealousy from peers may hinder one's drive to pursue their dreams. 
• A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology indicates that individuals with a fear of success tend to underperform and self-sabotage to avoid potential success.
• I see this type of fear with women. Sometimes they are afraid to become more successful than their partners because of the tensions it will create at home. They would rather stay in a lower job than they are capable of because they don’t want to set an unbalance and deal with repercussions of their success. 

5. Fear of Financial Insecurity

• The fear of financial insecurity is a practical concern that often comes up when thinking of dream pursuits. Leaving stable employment or investing resources in a passion project can be daunting, especially if there is a risk of financial strain. 
• Research published in the Journal of Economic Psychology suggests that financial fears can significantly impact individuals' willingness to take entrepreneurial risks.
• At one point in my life I wanted to open a spin studio. I never took the leap because of the financial investment it required. Thus, I’ll never really know how that would have turned out if I tried. 
• This fear is true for anyone wanting to step out of a realm of comfort, especially if you have others depending on you for financial stability. I’ve had friends who’ve made a decision for one of the partners to step out and take an entrepreneurial risk, while the other maintains a steady job with a paycheck and benefits. These options however, may not be there if you are not in a partnered situation.

III. Strategies for Overcoming these fears

1. Fear of Failure: Embrace a growth mindset, by viewing failure as a stepping stone to success rather than a dead end. Recognize that failures are learning opportunities and use them to refine your approach towards your dreams.
2. Fear of Rejection and Criticism: Remind yourself that you cannot control others' opinions, but you can control your response to them. Seek support from like-minded individuals or mentors who can provide constructive feedback and encouragement.
3. Fear of Uncertainty: Develop a well-thought-out plan and break your journey into manageable steps. While uncertainty may never be completely eliminated, having a roadmap can provide a sense of direction and control. 
   1. Rock Climbing in Utah - “Feel The Fear and do it Anyway”
4. Fear of Success: Reframe your perception of success. Instead of viewing it as a burden, focus on the positive impact your success could have on your life and the lives of others. Embrace the opportunities for growth and positive change that success can bring.
5. Fear of Financial Insecurity: Create a financial plan and explore alternatives like part-time work or crowdfunding to mitigate financial risks. Consider your dream pursuit as an investment in yourself and your future, which can yield invaluable returns and lots of abundance.

IV. In Summary

Fear, in all its forms, can be a formidable opponent, and fear hinders the pursuit of dreams. 

It is essential to recognize that fear is a normal part of the human experience. 

The key to pursuing our dreams lies in acknowledging our fears, understanding their sources, and taking proactive steps to conquer them. 

By embracing failure as a stepping stone, seeking support, planning for uncertainty, reframing success, and addressing financial concerns, we can loosen the grip of fear and unlock the potential to pursue our dreams wholeheartedly.

Remember, dreams are not meant to be contained; they are meant to be set free and allowed to soar beyond the confines of fear. By working with a coach or therapist, you can reframe these fears and implement the strategies to overcome them.

I’ll leave you with the quote I posted as a caption during my first rock climb in Utah, “Feel the Fear and do it anyway”

Thank you for being here. Until next time.